Coach

Born and raised in the lacrosse hotbed of Long Island—where stick skills are developed before you can walk—Coach cut his teeth in the sport at a young age. He went on to play four transformative years of Division III lacrosse at a small liberal arts college you've definitely never heard of, where he majored in Communications and minored in riding the bench with unmatched dedication. His collegiate career highlight remains a single assist in a blowout loss his senior year, a moment he describes as "the pinnacle of athletic achievement and also proof I deserved more playing time."

After college, Coach briefly flirted with the idea of coaching before realizing that yelling at teenagers wasn't as cathartic as he'd hoped. Instead, he pivoted to what he does best: standing on the sidelines, taking notes, and providing color commentary that nobody asked for.